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sometimes, i don't know if you ever notice. ever notice the slightest details about me. i mean, i've lived with you for what? nearly 17 years of my life?? and yet you don't even seem to notice it. either that or i've learnt the art of hiding.
do you know how bloody long i took before i convinced myself that it's okie to retain?
NO i guess NOT.
do you know how sad i was when the idea first came into my mind?
NO. i guess not too huh.
do you think i really don't give a damn as to whether i retain or not?
i guess the answer seems too obvious huh.
i DO care okie. i care A LOT too.
i cried, i stoned, i avoided.
but of 'cos, you didn't see any of that happen right?
you were never really there anyways. you're always flying off. off to places.
and i understand. 'cos it's your job to fly around. you're just doing this so that i can have that new pair of shoes, new wii set to play with, new stuff, new everything.
i know you're really disappointed in me. but honestly, i am too.
i wanna promote like everyone else, but obviously my results speak otherwise.
I DO GIVE A DAMN.
i just choose not to show it.
after all, it's not like anymore mopping around or whining can get me anywhere right? so that's why i choose to look at the brighter side of it. to think of it as slowing down my pace. after all, i have been complaining my life is really too fast for me right? haha.
i may look like i've gotten over the fact that i'd be retaining. but honestly, these things don't just disappear like this. it'll always be there. Imagine the stigma i'd be facing. Imagine the criticism the teachers will give me. Imagine what it'd be like for me when i see all my friends studying for their A levels. its not easy..
even now, retaining is still a very sensitive topic. i just act like it isn't and struggle to not show too much.
so if you're considerate enough, DON'T talk about it please. give me time.
i'll need loads of it.
and daddy, you don't know this, but it hurts when you scold me about my results. it hurts when you think i don't care. it hurts.. A LOT.
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this post is gonna be REALLY random. 'cos well, i'm bored.
i woke up at 530am SHARP. partly 'cos i was excited that the rest of the family was coming home today, but mainly 'cos i was worried kenny would leave me at home while he went off to the airport to pick the family up! so.. woke up IMMEDIATELY when the alarm rang. and lucky i did that! 'cos the dear boy was up and checking the flights. it turned out the flight landed early! so we rushed over immediately. caught them JUST in time at the immigration counters. haha.
i miss them so much.. ((:
bugged mummy to get me a macdonalds breakfast. YUMZZZ.
i wanted to stay home to accompany the whole family today. but guess what?
ALL OF THEM LEFT HOME IMMEDIATELY AFTER COMING HOME. how failure is my attempt to show some love to my family hmm?
so while the rest are out, im stuck at home to entertain myself. guess how i did that?
I RAN.
on the THREADMILL! yessssss. my FIRST attempt at it. hehh. ALREADY A SUCCESS. i ran and ran. at first i told myself, okie. just until the advertisement. but turns out hallmark movies DON'T have that many advertisements. so.. i just ran for twenty minutes and then i stopped. 'cos.. hehh.. i'm a pig. LOL. but twenty minutes is a GOOD start! 
AMANDA's coming over! YAY!
gonna go bathe now! TEEHEEEE.
LOVE.
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i know it's been a while since i last blogged. i assure you it has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the exams. lol. i've been itching to blog. but mummy was smart and left the laptop hidden with aunty lilybeth to guard them. it was quite well hidden really 'cos it took even me, the best laptop searcher in the family (HAHA), about 3 days to find it. Probably 'cos i really couldn't be bothered. HAHA.
ANYWAYS, loads of things have happened over these few short days. time passes SO quickly. in just about two more days (one night and a morning to be more precise), the rest of the family will be back.
YES. if you weren't already informed, i DID NOT leave with the family on our supposed "FAMILY trip" since the stupid chinese A levels were on monday. 
UPDATE ON EXAMS!
chinese was relatively okie? lol. the passages were NOT boring. THANK GOD.  and i managed to finish the papers early. had about 15mins in each section of the exam to check the papers. ((:
my composition was on my granny, POPO, because she came to mind during the paper. i guess it was the sudden thought that she was really really nice to me. i really hope i don't take her for granted! )):
HALLOWEEN.. hmm.. this is a rather sensitive topic. haha. bottom line, it was spent.. hmm.. very DIFFERENTLY this year and it was and will always be special to me. ((:
(end of discussion. HAHA.)
SCHOOL, has officially become useless to me. seriously!
i only went to school today 'cos i wanted to hand in the OGL form. the rest of the day was spent.. hmm.. in the computer lab? lol. but the only reason why i didn't blog was 'cos school's a TARD which blocked xanga for WHATEVERSTUPIDREASON. i mean, they didn't block blogspot, tumblr, twitter, facebook, but they blocked xanga. OBVIOUSLY they have issues right?? (NOD YOUR HEAD IN AGREEMENT)
ON A VERY RANDOM NOTE:
MARINA BARRAGE IS A VERY VERY BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO GO TO. and NO. i have been there before. i just really really love it! (((:
and..
JENNIFER's BODY is a GRUESOME yet HORRIFYING show which doesn't have much thrillers but bottom line, i wouldn't recommend it? but if you ask wahidah and nava (both of whom have never watched it but because i explained the whole movie from beginning to the end), they are VERY interested to watch it.
either they really love gore,
or..
i'm a VERY good story teller. 
i choose the second option. HEHHH.
i am just gonna end it off here then!
PHOTO OVERLOAD | | |
| found this off LOVELYISH again. LOL. thought this was REALLY hot. like H-O-T.
HOT.
check it out.
ADAM LAMBERT. the guy whom i thought was HOT on american idol turned gay has had a photoshoot with the magazine DETAILS.
but.. there's a twist, he does it with a GIRL. lol.
PICTURES AT THE BOTTOM UNDER THE CUT SINCE PICTURES ARE KINDA.. hmm.. arousing?? aka NOT FOR KIDS.
ANYWAYS,
a lil' update from my more depressing moment in life. LOL. (so drama queen of me)
SUNDAY was spent mostly with jocelyn? she came over to my church. she ACTUALLY woke up! wow right?
the last few days at school has been very much a BORE. i seriously go to school to sleep. everyone's in a bloody holiday mood already. including the teachers! MR JERRY CHAI's the FUNNIEST. haha. i swear, the only thing i look forward to everyday in school is actually the trainings. 'cos we have that like 3 times a week now. lol. madness i know, but it's really fun!
like yesterday we FINALLY did diving. at least i finally did it.
SUPER PAINFUL, but fun.
it's like 1000 times of a normal abrasion each time you die. but maybe it's 'cos we were diving on the JJ field which isn't like soft and muddy but REALLY rough (can't remember the name of the type of field. eeks).
but i REALLY need to work on my ball handling skills like coach told me if not..  *1000000000!
like i was so disappointed when i dropped BOTH balls coach threw me. omfreak la. )):
ANYHOO,
what i was ACTUALLY looking for in today was mainly the RUN after school. YES. i run. lol.
we were SUPPOSED to run for only maximum 20mins? but because of the rain, we ran outside of school.
all in all, we ran for a LONG 30MINS instead. my legs were SHAKING after that. i swear i need the ankle guards soon. )):
so match on FRIDAY at our "favourite" place, turf city. ruggers probably coming down to "support" us? haha.
*note the inverted commas. BUT NO HARM MEANT OKIE. lol.
PICTURES FROM MY PHONE. some REALLY random ones. haha.
well, this one was taken earlier in the week, when i had training on tuesday and i think my maid heard me wrongly 'cos i was sure i said, "sun the shoes for me please." but she heard it as "wash the shoes for me please." so she did as she thought she heard and washed the shoes on monday. on tuesday morning, i found out what she had done and WELL.. the shoes were STILL wet! )):
initially, i was actually thinking of just trying to dry the shoes whenever i could. but.. it got me NOWHERE obviously.
so.. someone suggested (can't remember who. but i think it was FITRI?) that i sun them outside on the field. WHICH, i eventually did! haha.
amanda and i took some pictures OBVIOUSLY. hehhh.
 
spot the shoes? haha.
AHWELLS.. i think it was rather fun that day 'cos i still hadn't gotten over the "thepenisinhermouth" thing. so i did this!
wrote it on my arm! hahaa.
of 'cos, as expected, out of the TEN people i asked, EIGHT actually commented i was gross. which means.. HAHA.
later on, we camwhored in some random class using the visualiser! i have more on my camera. but.. these are those on my phone. ((:
AMANDA ACTING HARDWORKING!
**(note the word "ACTING")
she was waiting for her ONE TRUE LOVE. hahaha.
MY FAVORITE ONE OF ALL TIME HAS TO BE THIS ONE!
SKETCH OF THE DAY!
GUESS WHAT THIS MEANS!
HAHA.
PICTURES YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR...
ADAM LAMBERT AND HIS STEAMY PHOTO SHOOT PICTURESSS.  CLICK HERE | | |
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so i tried talking to douglas, i tried talking to amanda. but douglas is total crap. he doesn't understand and amanda's too busy to talk to me. but i don't blame amanda. she was nice enough to even call when i sms-ed her saying i wanted to cry.
i tried sleeping. but that got me nowhere. so here i am. blogging on xanga.
i even had to BEG my sister to lend me HER laptop to blog. shows my desperation you know.
XANGA..
my only trusted friend that would listen to me yet not hang up on me or anything.
i wanted to blog since yesterday really. but.
1) i was REALLY too tired. went to bed before 10pm. and anyone who knows me will tell you i'm a night person.
even my mum thought i'd run out of the house when she couldnt find me last night that she must have never expected me in bed before 10 to have called me on my own phone.
2) yeah. parents are hard to love.
mummy took my laptop away claiming that there's more to life than sitting behind the computer.
and yes. i DO agree with her you know. there really IS more to life than this. but. (another two or three reasons to back me up here)
i) i have PROJECT WORK ORAL PRESENTATION slides to edit and practice for!
ii) i wanted to upload pictures and also blog about yesterday (which i currently have NO MOOD to right now)
anyways, the point it, IM TROUBLED. FRUSTRATED. ANNOYED. PISSED. WHATEVER.
and its annoying that i don't have anyone else to turn to.
its really a compilation of things really.
firstly, i think it HAS to be the first thing i did today. must have woken up on the WRONG side of the bed. i swear it has to be that.
secondly, RONDE MONDE went for our first trugger match after SO LONG. and guess what? we lost to a bunch of kids we could have totally pwned. haix.. the disappointment i swear in coach, yix and cat was enough to make anyone cry. i mean, cat even cried lei. i don't know why, but yeah. she did.
thirdly, i thought watching a movie would help. so i picked a classic romance film, NOTHING HILL.
AND OMG. the number of people who have not watched this movie is like. SHOCKING TTM.
i mean, i've watched this movie since i was a KID. it's my like 6th or 7th time that i've watched it and i STILL enjoy it.
i always thought it was a very GOOD movie done by Hugh Grant & Julia Roberts. i mean, Julia Roberts is still famous right? or has Paris Hilton and her porno ways overturned the whole reason of acting into some few cheap flicks and stuff. (okie. i might not be making sense here. but whatever)
ANYWAYS. if anyone from cell reads this, THAT was why i was late. the movie was ABSOLUTELY too good for me to leave before it ended. ((:
sorry!
fourthly, during cell itself (this annoyed me that during cell i had to be busy sms-ing)! i mean, it made me look RUDE. and well. cell was REALLY interesting too. (will do a post on tonight's sharing. VERY interesting and relevant) throughout the whole of cell, first it started with cat sms-ing the whole team about our performance today and her apology for her harsh attitude just now which i TOTALLY don't blame her (if you ever read this!). then yix sent something about the ITOUCH event which is on NOVEMBER 6TH (i think?) and like i'm in the organising committee. i had earlier proposed we sell ice popsicles on monday to earn money in replacement of sponsorship which i have failed to find.
as in. i think i have to explain my dad's stand about why he doesn't want to sponsor the team. i finally understand it i guess?
in the car today, before the match, he was going on again about what FRIENDS should be like. and that he was worried for me again. knowing that i make friends so easily, i tend to trust people very easily. even if they are bad influences and what not. so yeah. he shared with me that we should not help everyone because not everyone appreciates your help for them.
therefore, i think his bottomline was that, he didn't want to help our team because he feels that even if he does, no one will appreciate the help, they'll take it for granted that they will get this help, rather than if he gave this money to a starving group of people to buy some food. (a little abstract an analogy. but.. it's something like that)
anyways, back to the reason why i was pissed.
we were supposed to buy the ice popsicles today. but i had to rush off 'cos my dad wanted to leave. and i thought the rest were gonna settle the ice popsicles issue. so i leave without any worries. only to find out that they DIDN'T settle the issue. and we only have 7 packets of ice popsicles when we need 50! so i had to arrange a meeting tomorrow to buy the other 43 packets and concentrates to make drinks on monday to sell. but guess what?
already, three people have replied. of which two of them gave me excuses that i find ridiculously idiotic. i mean, I ATTEND CHURCH TOO. i know what time church is and stuff. plus, who goes for a WHOLE day of church?? there isn't such a pastor who has so much energy as to preach for a whole day right? i'm just asking for them to spare an hour or so. but none of them can?? argh!
Lastly, it HAS to be douglas that calls me. seriously, i actually considered not talking to him for the next few days 'cos i just felt like doing that. but considering that i had so much bottled up, i needed to talk to someone about it. but guess what?
he chose TODAY to not pay attention and get distracted.
seriously! if you were so distracted, why bother calling in the first place? i mean, if you're so bloody busy, don't add on by calling me. then don't say anything! and when i say something, you comment and say, "oh. it's 'cos you're not saying anything interesting."
LIKE WTF SERIOUSLY??
you just don't understand sometimes do you.
you always claim to be the smartest but you never get the hints that i leave you. what sort of shitty ass are you?!
forget it. seriously.
if you just scrolled down the post.
this is where it ends.
this is how much i wanted to say.
this is the amount of annoyance in me.
this is where i stop.
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